What the Fuck?!?!

I am very seriously cursed in dating. Since the last post, I have moved out to Las Vegas, Nevada. Fun, right? Glitter!! Party people!! Drinking and naughty!! HELLL NO. Moving out to Las Vegas, I forgot that Vegas in in the state of Nevada. Yeah. There are no cute guys here, and the women all look like hookers. Dime-store hookers. I kid you not. Coming from New York City, the people out here are fat and dumpy, they don't dress nice, have no sense of style, have no individuality, roots are showing like Loreal went out of business, drab colors, the ugliest heels I have ever seen--like a hooker on acid threw them up, dull haircuts, trashy manicures, shirts with no stylish cut to them, legs that shouldn't be in shorts or skirts, frizzy dull hair....just unattractive people!! I will give a lot of women here credit: a lot of women do their makeup pretty nice, but for god's sakes, fix the rest of the picture!! It looks like people just gave up on their looks out here.

That in mind, is it any wonder that I haven't gone out on a date? Forget even making out with anybody. The closest thing to a "decent" guy here is the equivalent of a mid-grade Guido back in NYC. Yuck!! I swear, it's like my libido has dried up drier than the desert sands around us. Everywhere I go, the guys are just awful.......AWFUL. Listen folks, Vegas is NOT how you (or I for that matter) see it in the movies. Yes, there are lights and gambling and it's Sin City. But it's Sin City for ugly folk. The beautiful elite can sin wherever they want, they don't pin it down to one location. Ugly folk need a place to convene and feel like they are "cutting loose". Ugh.

This city has, in effect, almost certainly killed this blog. There are no good looking guys for me to go out with, so there is nothing for me to write about....

Just My Luck

Well it's been a while since I last wrote a post. And that's because nothing has really happened with me since then. Sad, isn't it? A totally awesome girl such as myself has moved out of the fast lane right into the disabled shoulder. Until a week ago when I met a new guy. I have, since the last post, moved from New York City to Las Vegas, Nevada. Crazy change, right? Well I had to leave New York City. As if you couldn't already tell by previous posts, dating there was doing nothing for me. I'd just had it with the men there. Not to put down the men in New York City, they just aren't my speed anymore.

So what does it mean that I met a dude from Long Island out here and we totally hit it off, he goes back after a long weekend and we have been in contact every day since we met? I mean, I knew that was going to happen. Not only do I know my own crazy luck, but I knew that there would be a chance of meeting someone from New York here because a lot of New Yorkers come to party in Vegas. Duh!!

And I think our sense of the time we had together is somewhat legendary because we met in a club, hit it off immediately (of course we were drunk), I go with him back to his timeshare in this gorgeous timeshare hotel, we drink some more, hung out with Mary Jane, climbed into the jacuzzi for a bit, then we showed the bunny rabbits how it's really done. We did this two days of the weekend he was out here. Who could ask for a better weekend??

So of course the flagellation is that we are so rockin' together, but live three thousand miles apart. And we for the time being are relegated to texts, Facebook photos and comments and updates and a few phone calls. And I'm in Sin City. It would behoove me to try to find a long term "thing" with anyone out here, much less hook up with all the vapid bed hopping sluts out here. But then again, that is just a marketing image created by the city to generate tourism, albeit a lot of moronic Midwesterners believe the hype and try to live it. God, it's fucked up...

And my even more moronic self lives here!! Will I be able to find something other than fleeting sex living in Sin City? Stay tuned...

Liar, Liar

I hooked up with a guy the other night. After five months of celibacy, I threw it all away. But to my own credit, it was with a guy I went to college with; we have known each other for years. But still, I can't believe all that work of holding back, saying no, being so good.....ah hell, who am I kidding. Here in NYC, I can stay celibate standing on my head. It's so easy. There is such a shallow pool of great available men. Or at least for me. But I am picky. I prefer intelligence, etiquette, good humor, easy-goingness, non-bullshitting..... Whatever.

Well anyway, as we were getting together at his place, I was trying to be good and say no, but he was just so damned cute. And we have liked each other for so long. But then he pulls out a condom and would you believe it, it was a magnum. Now at this point, I was alarmed. Because the last dude I hooked up with that was really that big, it wasn't fun. It actually hurt. Which led me to believe that somehow women wanting a dude with a big schlong is a myth. Because really girls, if it really is that big, it freakin' hurts!! So anyway, we keep getting hot and heavy and then I realise there was no way in heaven or hell that man was going to fill that magnum. That mofo had it for show. Ridiculous.

So of course I went along with it and it was pretty damn good. Which makes me think: was it good because he was good? (Despite the fact that he kept swearing up and down that he'd make me...you know, and over and over. However, I didn't believe it after the "magnum smokescreen".) Or was it good because it had been five months? Whatever the case may be, I'm willing to wait another five or more months to get that kind of roll in the hay again!!

This Is Getting Old....

Ooohhh-kaaayyy. In the past week, I have been hit on by old men!! I shouldn't say old, but older, but yes indeed, old. The oldest of them all, a seventy four year old man was by far the greatest. Now first off, he was a good looking old guy. Really, he looked good and you could tell he was hot when he was younger!! Well there he was chatting with me--and his wife in in the room, complete with family--and he asks me:

"So you want to fool around on the side?"

I started laughing. How cute!! This old schooler just comes out and asks, but yet asks in a way that he acknowleges his having a wife. You gotta love the old school.

"You're a married man. I don't think I could." I was trying to be nice. I was trying to be old school too. I smiled warmly.

"Come on," he says and grins before saying the most hilarious thing I have heard all week, "It's OK. I go down, I eat pussy." And he grins again.

When I tell you that I was shocked that something like that would come out of the seventy four year old man's mouth, I mean I stopped for a second, stared into his eyes for like ten seconds (as he's still flashing me his pearly whites--and they were pearly I tell you), and all I could do was smile again, give a little giggle and say, "Oh, you dirty little boy!!"

Well of course I immediately ran over to my gay barback and told him what happened and the two of us just died for like ten seconds. This guy was a trip.

Then the next night I walk into my bar on my night off and one of our regulars who lives across the country that comes to our place when he's in the city, is sitting there. So he's an older guy, about fifty four I believe and he's from LA so he looks pretty good too. So he and I are chatting and he starts dropping hints about wanting to have fun outside his marriage because he's been with his wife since high school or something. Again, I was like, what? Another married older man wants to fool around with me? Is this like Fleet Week for married old guys?

Well the next guy that tried to get at me this week is a guy that I actually know. He's in his mid-sixties and we have known each other for ten years now. He loves to try to have me up to his house all the time, which is in Westchester, but I get the feeling he likes me to be on his turf a lot. Because it's his big, gorgeous house, and I can't get away so easily. Not that I'm saying he's a pervert or anything, but that too is an old school move: get the lady in your house especially if it is in the country so she can't readily just leave. You can always try to convince her to stay. I bet that's how the Christmas song Baby It's Cold Outside was written. But anyway, I had dinner with my friend, a he did try to pull the "Stay Here" routine. But I had to get back home and get things done.

You know, I like hanging out with older gentlemen because it's classy, they aren't jerks, they have money (thank god!! Sorry young, hot broke guys....), and they have a lot of stories to tell, which personally I dig. I think that's why I attract a lot of older men. I think they like to tell their stries and I like listening to them, and I understand what they're saying and if they're good looking, I lay some more charm on them. I can't help it. They're older, they deserve attention too!! However, it's actually been a long time since I dated a much older man. Perhaps I should give it another go....but god they'd better not be freakin' married!!

The Virtue of Patience

So here it is, all this time later and I have still been waiting on the bartender guy that I have eyes for. But befoe I get into that, I'd like to discuss a comment I got from one reader that stated that I should not be meeting men in bars, but to go out to museums and movies and the likes like that. Well, I think in a big way, he is right!! It kind of sucks meeting people out drinking late night in bars. However, I have tried other alternative courses of meeting men here in good old drunk NYC, and let me tell you, it hasn't worked out for me...

I am a very good pool player. I joined a few league teams. Oh my god, can I just tell you that the men in the leagues were so not attractive, and they really were awful at socialising with any kind of attractive women (namely me). The other women on the league teams were....um....homely. The women that were actually attractive were obviously smarter than me and formed their own all female teams and stuck together. However, I was on co-ed teams and like I said, NO to the pool league team guys.

I am also an avid cyclist. I joined cycling clubs a few times. Now, there were some cute guys--just a few--but they were all taken. The rest....um, no. Either too short, too skinny, not my type or not around enough because they were training for a tri somewhere on Jupiter.

Museums here in NYC are full of tourists and almost always packed. This is not conducive for socialising. Plus meeting a cute guy who is visiting from Germany is not going to do anything for me.

Who the hell talks in movies?!?!

The subway. Oh god HELL NO. That's why I ride my bike as much as I do.

I do not sit in coffee shops. I don't hang out at Barnes & Noble. I don't really sit in the park (I'm too busy cycling it). I am not in school.

I am a bartender. So obviously, that is where I meet the most people and do most of my socialization. It sucks, but that's the way that it seems to have turned out. Not only that, but most New Yorkers do their socialising in bars. Sad, but true.

I have been very patient in finding the right guy. And that patience has also proved to be useful in waiting oh so patiently for the crush I have now. Things seem to be moving at a snail's pace for us, but I do get the sense that he at least likes me too. And for now, that is all I can hope for, because as I stated before, I don't think that the men in New York City are for me. I'm just not that giggly, accommodating, overly soft girly-girl. And I think that is what's killing my love life here. Yet paradoxically, I am an incorrigible flirt. Weird, right? Not that I am trying to be mean or I want to be a tough chick, it's just my personality. I also think that it shows me during courtship who is a wuss and who is a real stand up guy. Personally, I hate wussy, overly sensitive men. I like a man's man. And yet, here in the big city, capital of the world, still I wait to meet him.....

Raise Your Hand If You Are Stupid

OK, so I have to pull my hand down in order to type this mess.....

Last night I went out to cute bartender's bar to go see him. I couldn't resist. I mean, I just couldn't stay in last night all by my lonesome, thinking about what he was doing. I had to go see him. So go see him I did do. Again, I'm nervous about what the situation is going to be like, kicking myself for being such a dork the last time I saw him, being a dork for kicking myself for being a dork. Anyway, I sit and drink and chat with a few folks and I find that it is quite clear that he likes me too. It was all in his body language and he kept stealing glances at me. I was psyched.

So patiently I waited for the place to clear out as it got later and later (me getting drunker and drunker, and he too for that matter) so that I could give him my extra special attention that I only give to men that I like. So shower him with affection I did. Unfortunately, this part of the story is a little unclear as I was hammered at this point, but I remember talking to him and the other bartender and these other two guys that were there too. I spoke to the other guys, but I stood near my guy and was giving him hugs and kisses on his head. Then at one point, he says to me something along the lines of his not being the best guy to go out with!! Oh god, after all the energy I put into this guy trying to establish a connection, he goes and drops that bomb on me!!

Yet for some reason, something in me didn't believe it. I can't explain why, but I just thought he was talking shit. I didn't get phased by it.....then. Of course now today after sobering up I have a clear head to think on this and I am just baffled at why he would say it. I mean, bottom line is that I am not a stupid girl and I know that when a man says something like that, I'd better darn well listen to him. And I think that I need to pull it back. But I really feel in my heart of hearts that he may have said that to try to push me away. Or maybe he was hurt by his last relationship and is scared of getting involved. I just don't know. But I do know that he's not getting my extra special attention for the time being and that I'll still sit at his bar and admire him for the man that he is. But once again, here I am left out in the lurch, for reasons I don't know, and still fucking single. I can't wait to move away from New York City.....

Notes From the Other Side of Crazy

So cute bartender guy that I thought had a girlfriend actually doesn't have one. In fact, one night a week or two ago, I show up to his bar and he's totally hammered and we are talking a bit and he tells me that he's single. I mentioned that I thought he had a girlfriend and he said that he didn't. So of course I zone right in talk to him for a bit more and then totally take advantage of him--meaning that I get him to make out with me. His kiss was very nice!! But being that he's totally drunk and being the nice girl that I am, I tell him that he should go home and sleep off his inebriation. He leaves and I figure that he won't remember kissing me. In fact, I hope that he doesn't remember, so that perhaps when I go back to his bar, there won't be that awkwardness that most people exhibit when they make out. But as it turns out, a girlfriend of mine saw him afterward and she told me that she not only got the impression that he remembered, but she also said that he seemed to have asked about me!! Boy was I psyched!!

So I make it a point to get back over to his bar and see him again, feeling out the situation. He not only was cool with seeing me again (no awkwardness at all) but he sits with me the whole time and we have a great conversation!! Then he closes up the bar and a group of us go out for a late bite to eat. We have a great time and he not once says or does anything stupid to put me off like a lot of men do. And just as I was absorbing all of that, we get the bill and he pays for everyone's food. I was totally impressed.

So I see him again a couple of days later and the fact that he was so cool and sweet and made this impression on me, he made me completely nervous!! Again, he made it a point to come sit with me and he stayed with me the whole time and we talked and had a nice time and so when it was time for me to go, he said that he'd walk me outside.

Now here is where the trouble happened.

He walks me outside and of course this is the perfect opportunity for perhaps another kiss for the two of us. But what do I do? We get outside, I give him a peck on the cheek and run into a cab!! I got so nervous because he is so sweet and cool that I just totally ran away!! Now of course I feel so retarded for doing so and now I'm thinking that maybe I might have messed it up and I'm kicking myself because I am so crazy and confused. I like this guy--the first guy I have liked in two years--and I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing because it has been so long since I have felt this way and I don't want to mess it up. My friends say that nothing is wrong, he probably knows that I was nervous, but I don't know. I think that he knows that I like him, but I'm a wreck because the luck that I have had in the past two years has been horrible!!

I also told a friend of mine tonight that I am nervous about all this this because I don't just want to sleep with this guy, I'd like to get to know him. I mean, it is easy to seduce a man, easy to get a man to sleep with me and move on. It's almost been so long that I have been the seductress that I have almost forgot how to be the lady that I am, you know?

What Can I Say

Hey there, it's been a long while. My computer was broken and I got into the lazy aspect of doing most of my computing from my iPod Touch. That thing is so damn cool. But however, I knew I had to get my laptop back up and running as I needed to start updating all my blogs again. Slowly I have. And the good thing about dropping out for a while is the fact that stories can build up and develop so that when the time comes to transcribe it to a blog, it is beefy and has some dimension to it. Being that this is a blog about dating, in New York City no less, I have much to tell. Let's start from right where I left off...

So I finally hooked up with Magnum Irish guy. If you read the earlier post, you know that he was totally hung and we couldn't hook up at first because neither one of us had any protection. But then the time came where we ended up back at his place yet another drunken late night and this time we both were prepared. Now after this kind of build up regarding his size, let me tell you that the sex was mediocre at best. It would have been disappointing had I been expecting anything great from this drunken idiot. But then the story gets even better.

So he then proceeds to tell me just how much sex he'd been having lately, and he was hooking up left and right all over the place. "Gee dude," I thought, "not quite the sweetest pillow talk, don't you think?" And he's going on and on about how much of a stud he is and at this point I thanked god I had the good sense to use PROTECTION with this motherfucker and I just wanted him to shut up so I could fall asleep and wake up tomorrow afternoon and sneak out.

He then proceeds to describe this one girl he works with that he swears wants to ride him good and he tells me that she's looking to have a threesome.

Did he just drop the threesome bomb?!?!

He shows me a picture of her and asks me "She's hot, right?" Oh god...

Needless to say I got him to finally shut up and go to sleep--or pass out rather--and just as I wanted, I woke up in the afternoon and left him still passed out, sneaking out with shoes and coat in arms, high tailing it past his roommate having coffee and reading The New York Times.

I hadn't seen or heard from him for like a week or two, but then I ran into him late night again and he was unbelievably, ridiculously, incredibly hammered. In fact, Thor broke the hammer over this dude's backside. He walks up to me and I can barely make out what he's saying and even the Irish bartender was like, "Dude, he drinks too much." Wow, you think?!?! After much embarrassing chatter with this idiot, the next thing I can make out that comes out of his mouth is, "You're coming home with me."

"No I'm not." I said. And I sure as hell meant it. He then gets on his phone and starts speaking to some other girl then tries to put me on the phone with her so that we can talk about....you guessed it, a threesome. I was so over it at that point that I just pushed him away from me and told him to go home. I have not really spoken to him much after that again. We still run into each other sometimes and I give a polite "Hi." and keep it moving. I have no intention of having any kind of deeper relationship with him other than that.

Now, there are two things that I do NOT do. One is the late night booty call. I never have, and I never will. I sure as hell have slept with a guy when we first met, but that is the open door for him to call me--at a reasonable hour mind you--and ask me to hang out with him. If he just starts calling me at times after 11 pm for nothing other than sex, it's never going to happen between us again. If he calls and wants to treat me like a human being, then yes, we can hang and hook up and do all kinds of things together.

The second thing that I do NOT do is threesomes. I am too damn old for that bullshit, period.

The next story after this one soon to follow. I'll give you a moment to digest this one.

Quick Note

The super hung Irish guy that I didn't end up sleeping with called me last week, left a message that he wanted to see me, but then I haven't heard from him since. I have even spoke to his friend who said that they have hung out a few times in the last week so I know he's in town. Damn. His friend told me that he'd put in a word for me and I thanked him. I told him that it would be cool if he called and if not, well it's his loss. The friend sweetly agreed.

Once again, man appears, man disappears...

What Would Ever Make Me Think Things Would Be Different?

A few days ago I met this really cute bartender who sat in my bar and we seemed to have this chemistry. So much so that my waitresses commented on it. Well he sat with his group for a drink or two then before he walked out, he made a point to walk up to the bar and say goodbye to me, gave me the card for his place, told me the days he worked and asked me to drop by. So last night I did. I stopped by my bar beforehand to get a free drink in and ran into the guy I went out on the date with a while ago--you know, the shorter one. So he and I had a drink at my place and then he tagged along with me to the other place where the good looking guys works. I was kind of happy that I had a tag along, as I really wasn't feeling like sitting in there alone. So on we go, and the whole time I'm in there with my guy, the good looking guy keeps stopping over and chatting a bit, and again, the chemistry is so obvious that my guy keeps telling me that the guy totally wants me. He felt like he himself was in the way and also had to get up in the morning, so he took off. I sat there for one more beer by myself before leaving in the hopes that the good looking guy would chat with me a bit. He didn't. And in fact, I realised that for a bit before my guy left, he stopped coming over and flirting. Then I realised why. He was sitting at the end of the bar (in a position, mind you, to still keep an eye on me) talking to this girl who looked kind of familiar...kind of like the girl that was with him the night that he sat in my bar. The same girl that I wondered the first time if she was his girlfriend, and lo and behold, it was confirmed there at his bar. She was his girlfriend. Damn. I can't say I wasn't aggravated about the situation, but as I write this, I realise that he couldn't help having a girlfriend when he and I happened to have crossed paths. Double damn.

Now I am not a believer in leaving a lover for someone else, thus I cannot pursue anything further with this guy who, by all accounts, has a chemistry with me that is undeniable. I would not want to be the girl to chase a guy who has a girlfriend and try to make him leave her, creating a myriad of dramas that I just care not to be involved with. I don't care how many sparks he makes fly for me, I am not that kind of girl...

...which leads me to believe that is why I am still single after all this time. I'm a good girl who doesn't play games and I get left by the wayside over and over again in this stupid arena. And as much as it sucks to watch vapid, evil, superficial girls get most of the men, I still hold on to my ideals. And sure they don't keep me warm at night, but they sure as hell let me sleep well.

OK, stepping off the soapbox now.