So cute bartender guy that I thought had a girlfriend actually doesn't have one. In fact, one night a week or two ago, I show up to his bar and he's totally hammered and we are talking a bit and he tells me that he's single. I mentioned that I thought he had a girlfriend and he said that he didn't. So of course I zone right in talk to him for a bit more and then totally take advantage of him--meaning that I get him to make out with me. His kiss was very nice!! But being that he's totally drunk and being the nice girl that I am, I tell him that he should go home and sleep off his inebriation. He leaves and I figure that he won't remember kissing me. In fact, I hope that he doesn't remember, so that perhaps when I go back to his bar, there won't be that awkwardness that most people exhibit when they make out. But as it turns out, a girlfriend of mine saw him afterward and she told me that she not only got the impression that he remembered, but she also said that he seemed to have asked about me!! Boy was I psyched!!
So I make it a point to get back over to his bar and see him again, feeling out the situation. He not only was cool with seeing me again (no awkwardness at all) but he sits with me the whole time and we have a great conversation!! Then he closes up the bar and a group of us go out for a late bite to eat. We have a great time and he not once says or does anything stupid to put me off like a lot of men do. And just as I was absorbing all of that, we get the bill and he pays for everyone's food. I was totally impressed.
So I see him again a couple of days later and the fact that he was so cool and sweet and made this impression on me, he made me completely nervous!! Again, he made it a point to come sit with me and he stayed with me the whole time and we talked and had a nice time and so when it was time for me to go, he said that he'd walk me outside.
Now here is where the trouble happened.
He walks me outside and of course this is the perfect opportunity for perhaps another kiss for the two of us. But what do I do? We get outside, I give him a peck on the cheek and run into a cab!! I got so nervous because he is so sweet and cool that I just totally ran away!! Now of course I feel so retarded for doing so and now I'm thinking that maybe I might have messed it up and I'm kicking myself because I am so crazy and confused. I like this guy--the first guy I have liked in two years--and I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing because it has been so long since I have felt this way and I don't want to mess it up. My friends say that nothing is wrong, he probably knows that I was nervous, but I don't know. I think that he knows that I like him, but I'm a wreck because the luck that I have had in the past two years has been horrible!!
I also told a friend of mine tonight that I am nervous about all this this because I don't just want to sleep with this guy, I'd like to get to know him. I mean, it is easy to seduce a man, easy to get a man to sleep with me and move on. It's almost been so long that I have been the seductress that I have almost forgot how to be the lady that I am, you know?
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