Raise Your Hand If You Are Stupid

OK, so I have to pull my hand down in order to type this mess.....

Last night I went out to cute bartender's bar to go see him. I couldn't resist. I mean, I just couldn't stay in last night all by my lonesome, thinking about what he was doing. I had to go see him. So go see him I did do. Again, I'm nervous about what the situation is going to be like, kicking myself for being such a dork the last time I saw him, being a dork for kicking myself for being a dork. Anyway, I sit and drink and chat with a few folks and I find that it is quite clear that he likes me too. It was all in his body language and he kept stealing glances at me. I was psyched.

So patiently I waited for the place to clear out as it got later and later (me getting drunker and drunker, and he too for that matter) so that I could give him my extra special attention that I only give to men that I like. So shower him with affection I did. Unfortunately, this part of the story is a little unclear as I was hammered at this point, but I remember talking to him and the other bartender and these other two guys that were there too. I spoke to the other guys, but I stood near my guy and was giving him hugs and kisses on his head. Then at one point, he says to me something along the lines of his not being the best guy to go out with!! Oh god, after all the energy I put into this guy trying to establish a connection, he goes and drops that bomb on me!!

Yet for some reason, something in me didn't believe it. I can't explain why, but I just thought he was talking shit. I didn't get phased by it.....then. Of course now today after sobering up I have a clear head to think on this and I am just baffled at why he would say it. I mean, bottom line is that I am not a stupid girl and I know that when a man says something like that, I'd better darn well listen to him. And I think that I need to pull it back. But I really feel in my heart of hearts that he may have said that to try to push me away. Or maybe he was hurt by his last relationship and is scared of getting involved. I just don't know. But I do know that he's not getting my extra special attention for the time being and that I'll still sit at his bar and admire him for the man that he is. But once again, here I am left out in the lurch, for reasons I don't know, and still fucking single. I can't wait to move away from New York City.....