Various Notes

I haven't had any dates to speak of lately. I have, however developed a strange relationship with a guy that I have hung out with a few times. He and I get along very well and he totally cracks me up. He also can keep up with my drinking, which we both have discussed could be scary. Again, here is a guy shorter than me, but he is really cute so I don't mind. But the strange nature of our relationship is that he and I hang out like were on a date or something along those lines, get drunk, then I go back to his place and we get undressed, curl up next to each other and sleep. We don't make out, we haven't had sex...we just sleep in each other's arms, wake up, go eat and go do our thing. The we see each other again in a bit and do the same thing again. I don't know, call me crazy, but I think I can chill with this kind of thing if he can. Because truth be told, I have just about given up on dating in this fucking city, but I put the effort into creating this blog so I have to at least do something for material...

There's this older gay man that sits at my bar who is really cool. He usually comes in on my Sunday nights when I could really use another body at the bar, but yet it is also mellow enough so that he and I get to talk and BS for a while. So anyway, tonight he told me that he threw caution to the wind and took a girl home a few weeks ago and after twenty five years, went down on a woman. It was hilarious the way he gestured what he did, putting his hands in front of his mouth, index fingers touching, then pushed outward and apart, sticking his tongue out between his hands!! He then said it hadn't changed in twenty five years. I told him that we women possess delicate machinery and you have to be highly trained and join the union in order to be a certified mechanic. Although he is totally gay, I know that it didn't totally put him off. I mean, come on!! Women and our parts are totally awesome. Even gay men dabble for fun once in a while!!

There are many things I do when I drink, but drunk texting is not one of them. In fact, my phone and people not immediately in front of me don't even cross my mind. I know a lot of people that get themselves into plenty of trouble texting and calling exes or current cushes or just plain people they have no business calling. There's also the booty call. Late night drunk hook ups with people who are designated as such. I have never had the proverbial "black book" nor have I ever really participated in the booty call. (I have had one or two guys that we start out the night hanging out because we know we're going to end up in bed later on. Does that count?) However, I heard a hilarious story about the drunk text that is supposed to be a message, but looks like this:

62h&2 lpI'm 77#

Umm, yeah. Perhaps one reason why I just leave the phone alone.

Memories...Of the Smiles We Left Behind....

I lay in bed the other day nursing a hangover I got from drinking the night before with a friend of mine who was in town for two nights. I was watching movies, surfing the web and enjoying my day off, however bad the dehydration got. Then my phone rang.

"Lani, this is Nicholas."

Crickets chirping.

" We met last night in the pizza shop."

"Uh-huh..." I said.

"You don't remember me."

"No, that's not true. I vaguely remember meeting you in the pizza shop. I just don't remember what you look like."

Truth was, I didn't remember him at all. I didn't remember meeting him and I sure as hell didn't recall giving him my phone number. He even told me that he sent me a text shortly after we parted--didn't remember getting that either!! So I chatted with him a bit to try to recall anything about him. We hung up and I immediately called my friend.

"Girl, do you remember me meeting some guy last night?!?!"

"Yeah," she said, "at the pizza shop. Don't you remember? When we were walking in, you smiled at him and he followed us in. He started talking to you. He was wearing a hat and you took it off and started playing with his hair."

Oh god.

"Then we all walked out," she said, "and you started making out with him."

"WHAT?!?!"

"Yeah, you were practically manhandling him. I had to pull you away from him."

Sweet Jesus. There I was a few minutes before all warm and wrapped up in my bed watching movies and web surfing, and had this guy not called me, I never would have known he existed, never would have known what the hell I had done the night before!!

So of course now I'm wondering what the hell is wrong with him in trying to call a girl who was obviously drunk and try to set up a date with her the next day, even after it was obvious that she didn't remember him. Even crazier is that said drunk girl agreed to go out with him later that night.

My instincts were right. He was weird and I have no intention of hanging out with him again. Now I have to use my all time useful parting tool: ignore his calls until he gets the hint and stops calling. He does know where I work, but if he comes around, I guess I have to do the adult thing and tell him that I don't want to see him. However, I blame this whole mess on one thing....

JAGER.

I Get Out Too Much

Just as the sun rises and sets, so I had another date last night. It was nice--I went out with a guy that I had already hung out with before, but we hadn't had a formal dinner date until last night. We ate at a cool cuban joint out near Soho, then decided to go into familiar territory for drinks. As I have stated before, when I go out with a guy, I like to go around to places where I know people so that they can see who I'm with, just in case anything should happen to me. So anyway, we head over to a restaurant where I used to work because I promised the bartender, my friend, that I would drop by. On the way there, guess who is standing outside his bar having a smoke? The dude I dated this summer--you know, the one I wrote about previously who was the weirdo that didn't have any furniture or TV or internet in his house. So I waved hi to him and he said hello, but I could tell he was a little weirded out. Whatever. So my date and I go into the restaurant to see my friend and we have a pretty good conversation.

But something strange happened. He told me about his last girlfriend and their relationship and how it ended. Long story short, she was texting and talking to another guy that she had hooked up with once, who lives across the country, and my date found out and put up with it for about six months. He said that he loved her, they were together--lived together--for two years. This changed the way that I looked at him. For one, he became more human. Rather than just being another guy on my dancecard, he had feelings. He was in love. He was hurt by this love. When he told me this story, he had so many expressions on his face. He became a real person to me. Second, I couldn't believe that he would put up with the lying and cheating for six months!! I told him that I am the type to cut it off right then and there. I can't imagine why someone would put up with it for a minute, let alone six months. You know, sometimes I really don't want to hear stories about someone's past, you know? So now he was a very human doormat to me....

Well we get to my bar to have a few and see my friends and guess who was sitting at the bar? The guy I went on a date with weeks ago--the one I wrote about here who is shorter than me. Holy crap. And it turned out that I had told him earlier in the day that I couldn't hang out with him that night because I had plans. Lo and behold, not only did he see firsthand what my plans were, but he soon became a part of them. Would you believe it, there I was at the bar, standing between two men that I have had recent dates with, entertaining the both of them!! I swear that my friends must have been looking at me thinking what an insane nut I am. But the really, really weird thing was that it wasn't weird. Well, not for me anyway. But the two guys got along pretty well, and we had a pleasant time. Then my date asked me to go back to his house with him. I declined. He had to go home earlier than I wanted to leave, so I stayed at the bar with the other guy that I went out with. We had a few more drinks together and we were flirting a bit. Then he had to go and asked me to come back to his place with him. I declined his invite too. So he left and I kept drinking with my friends.

Normally I would go home with my date and stay with him for the night, but for reasons unknown, I opted out this time around. I don't know, it just felt right that I go home alone last night....which is the total opposite of the new dating rules....

A Relationship Tale As Told By someecards

Once upon a time in New York City, there was a single guy and a single girl who both happened to have ended up in the same bar after work one evening. They locked eyes across a crowded room. They made their way to each other through the crowd and chatted for a minute.

After some more conversation and their second drink, they made plans to get together.

So they decide to go back to the guys house. They get there, and after another drink, they talk some more.
They hooked up. The next day, after an awkward parting and an entire day of guilt and self loathing, they get through it, and don't think about the meeting until the weekend. When lonliness and boredom set in, they get into contact and start seeing each other.

After about two months, both guy and girl come to their own separate realisations about the other, which, eerily seem to echo their sentiments about former lovers.

Oh yes, guy and girl contemplate the overly passionate, reasonably OK, drunken sex they have been having for the past two months.

So guy and girl go their separate ways. They are both sad and lonely. Guy goes on to the next drunken bar hook up, girl sits with friend talking about the near future.

The End....until happy hour tomorrow....